Time to read the magazines on that table top near your chair

Waiting is not easy, au contraire - it's quite frustrating.

what do you do while you wait...
for something to happen
to meet someone
for a returned call..

anticipation of all the possibilities goes through your head..
what next? you count to ten, you pace up and down.

How do you justify waiting.. ? time spent well or time lost..

Discernment is another battle. I'm having serious trouble discerning what is the
Right decision to take. What's right to me may not be right to someone else and what's
right to someone else may not be right to me.

I'm hoping this wait get's over soon and the result is hopeful and good ..
it's hard not knowing what's going to happen next.

The Hoarder

so I've been doing some cleaning- spring cleaning if I can dare to call it, ever wonder
how you end up hoarding so much stuff? so many memories..?
It's tough trying to figure out how much to throw out and how much to keep? How much
to lugg around and how much to just junk.. sigh.

I've hoarded alot. It's unbelievable.. old books, old calenders .. don't ask. Old pics, old toys, old clothes, old movie tickets, concert tickets.. old bags.. pretty bags that I've liked over the years. Old shoes, old cardboard pieces of who knows what that I still say I may someday use.. haha

well starting this summer, most of its getting cleared out. Most.
and that's a promise.

only the good will remain. and entirely 'worth it.'

=)

An odd but nice poem I remembered

You Being Born - by Brian Jones

I saw you born.
It was remarkable.
You shot out from between your mother's legs
like a rugby ball from a scrum
and the stocky Geordie midwife caught you neatly
and cried 'Whoops! She's come!'

You had a wrinkled jammy head
and spasmy legs like a portly frog's.
From your belly button a white root waved
that had fed you all the months you'd grown

and ripened in your mother's womb.
And let me tell you - I'm ashamed -
I forgot your mother completely - she had been
those things to me that one day you'll discover
in someone else, and think 'God, this is it!'
- My sweetheart, my warm dear, my red hot lover -

But for those moments, as the doctor
shoved cotton wool up your flat nose
and swabbed your eyes and cleaned your bum
I forgot completely all my life and love
and watched you like a pool of growing light
and whispered to myself 'She's come! She's come!'

Don't know why, but I've always been intrigued by the writings of this poet, this
father. I found his feelings very delightful to read. And I can really feel the gush
of warmth and love and joy he's feeling. Really liked this.

*Growth and Change*

Speech by Thomas Friedman in the New York Times...

"When we were young kids growing up in America, we were
Told to eat our vegetables at dinner and not leave them.
Mothers said, think of the starving children in India
And finish the dinner."

And now I tell my children:
'Finish your homework. Think of the children in India
Who would make you starve, if you don't"

My Excuse..

My Excuse..
cos sometimes, the world gets the better of me.. as it does everyone else every so once in a while..


Everyone is allowed to be a hypocrite once in a while. Not because they want to be, but just because no matter how hard you try you can't be the person you never wanted to be all the time, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and for the entirety of your life without mistakes inevitably occurring.

-bleh-

I'm sorry but I am just having a 'bleh' day. Wtf is bleh anyway??? A time when.. no words can come out straight I guess and you wanna put it into words but of course it's not the same as bla bla..

See I just cant get to bed.. I wanna think about a whole bunch of stuff.. but I know once my head is down on that pillow, I won't stop. I'll keep connecting the dots.. the never ending stream, relating one event in my life to another- to why.. to why not.. why can't I just let it all go ??
Ok, yes I am a firm believer in constructive criticism, but exactly when does my own criticism of myself stop?

I am never at peace with myself. I see a 100 mistakes each day that I can't forgive myself for and then I go onto the next day still thinking about them.. making more along the way. Iam growing, obviously; learning what to do and what not to do.. but gah, I can't accept who I was ..or maybe who I'm becoming.

I try to weigh it out, balance it, punish myself or suffer the consequences of the bad decisions in my life.. maybe that way there's justice to the matter, or so I believe in my head.

I'm hurting. Definately.

Void

Ever feel a void?
It's a big empty space..

Do you wake all alone? And wonder where you are? - 'Slide', Goo goo dolls

You assign different people that you talk to about different issues or topics in your life.. and yet there's that one topic you just can't find the right person to talk to about that one thing. Annoying? very.